Ooooo, Mr. Darcy

To get in the mood for Valentine's Day, I've been reading again about everyone's favorite heartthrob, Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy.

First, I read Amanda Grange's Mr. Darcy, Vampyre. On their wedding day, Jane and Elizabeth Bennet each thinks she is "the happiest woman alive". But, as Lizzy's beloved Darcy reads his mail in the carriage after the festivities (hey, at least he wasn't texting an old girlfriend), he abruptly changes their honeymoon plans. Off they go, to Paris. It sounds like a newlywed's dream, but Lizzy wonders why her new husband never comes to her room at night. As a proper English gentlewoman, Liz has no idea how to change this state of affairs. Maybe he’s distracted by seeing all those lithe, gorgeously dressed Parisian friends again - and they are taking an interest in Darcy, while acting downright hostile to Lizzy.

Eventually they leave Paris, and head across France toward the alps and the castle of Darcy’s uncle, Count Polidori. And werewolves. And mysterious fortune-tellers. And more hostile relatives. And suspicious villagers. And more lonely nights in her solitary room. Darcy still doesn’t come to her, even when Lizzy works up the courage to visit his empty room. Maybe he’s afraid of that bat…
If you love innocent English maidens in love with brooding men who are tortured by secrets they cannot share, then this will be your cup of tea.

My second Valentine selection was Duty and Desire, the second in Pamela Aidan’s Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman trilogy. No zombies, no vampires, no steampunk. Just Darcy, trying to forget Elizabeth Bennet. The trilogy is organized as a parallel to Pride and Prejudice, from Mr. Darcy’s romantic point of view, and this book covers the time after he and Bingley have left Netherfield, but before he bumps into Elizabeth again at Rosling.

Darcy has decided that the only way to drive away his unpleasantly pleasant memories of Elizabeth, is to look for a more appropriate wife among his old Cambridge friends and acquaintances. So, it’s off to the old country estate of Lord Sayre, with his man’s man Fletcher wading through the below-stairs dirt on the group of gambling, drinking, flirting houseguests. I found the gentlemen's conversations on news and politics the most interesting part. They discuss their fears of General Lud's followers, and Lord Byron's shocking address to Parliament. Jane Austen never hinted at what was happening in the world outside the balls and shops of her country towns and London townhouses! This is otherwise a classic Gothic tale: mysterious figures in the dark, macabre surprises, fainting ladies (and lusty ones, too), saber duels… Is there a prospective bride in the house?

All Zombies, All the Time

I just finished two entertaining books: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith (author and film producer), and The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks (author and screenwriter; hmm... I sense a trend here). It's been a slimy pile of fun. Both take the zombie scourge very seriously. Although Brooks didn't mention the infestation of Regency England in his book, I'm sure it was just an oversight in his research.

I enjoyed the way Grahame-Smith interspersed Austen's wit with zombie-stompin' action sequences. Elizabeth Bennet, inseperable from her Katana sword, is as strong as she is smart. I especially loved, when Darcy made his first, insulting proposal, that Liz kicked him into a fireplace. You go, girl! Although Darcy believes her Chinese training was inferior to his family's vaunted Japanese ninja-style training (which Liz debunks by killing said ninjas), he nonetheless admires her ability. He also makes regular double-entendres (blush), which Liz understands (gasp)!

I'm hoping Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, by Ben Winters, will be as well-staged... er, I mean -written.

And then there's The Zombie Survival Guide, a thorough analysis of the long history of zombie attacks, and list of the best weapons and tactics for protection from zombies. The author debunks movie fallacies: machine guns and flamethrowers are NOT practical civilian weapons against zombies, but plain old crowbars and pitchforks work well. He reminds us repeatedly that physical fitness will be our primary weapon in escaping zombie attacks.

Brooks goes on to provide practical advice (and encourage well thought-out planning) for surviving a world potentially overrun by zombies. I think this book might serve well for surviving other apocalyptic world events, as well.